Binge

Eating disorders have become a thing of "hushed tones". They have transformed in to many monster's in people's closets. But the door has been closed on these closets because it has become old news. A thing of the past. A burden for anyone to listen to the outcry of one amid the suffering of a disorder. 

Do you know of anyone who has suffered from eating disorders in the past? How are they doing? Have you asked them anything in regards to their recovery? 
OR - have you noticed anything about your eating habits? How are they doing? Have you asked yourself that question since you become so busy that you forget to eat during the day? Or that you have become so poor in college that you can't afford food? 

How are you doing?

My 13 year old sister is one of the most self-conscious people I have met. Every other word she utters is a slam to her face, or chest, or butt, or belly, or legs, or feet. She hates herself. She subconsciously fishes for compliments. She doesn't see in herself what I see. There are so many Red Flags in my conversations with her that ... my heart is broken.

I ask myself if my leadership as her older sister has influenced her actions at all? It has. 

I binge eat. It is a constant battle for me. I hate it. I despise myself for it, but I have been fighting this "disorder" for a while now. Slowly, (emphasize slowly) I am winning.  I still have the urge in the late evening to overload my taste buds on a sugar rush. I try to get my mind off the food in the fridge by watching T.V. or going for a run, or doing sit-ups and push-ups. I take this battle day by day. Am I defeated ever?? Absolutely. Will I overcome it? Yes, but not alone. I tried the whole "alone" thing and it didn't work for me.

The strength to even right about this isn't coming from me and I, personally, don't consider it strength but rather a confession. I need to confess it to heal. The more I keep it in, the more I sink into the hole that was dug. My motivations is mainly for my sister(s). I don't ever want my sisters(or anyone for that matter) to look up to me and admire my bad habits. I don't want you to think it's ok to puke or avoid eating or run till your legs give out to burn off the calories that you consumed that day! I love you too much.

 My heart hurts thinking about it.

My hope in this is to open any readers eyes to the reality that doesn't always get to everyone. Eating disorders are still here. "Fit & Active" is an amazing goal, but the process in achieving it needs to be healthy, not "what makes the results come faster". The young people of this nation need to be told how beautiful they are every day. 

We all need to be told how beautiful and handsome each other are. 

EVERY. DAY. 

You. Yes, you with the face. You're beautiful.

“Today is only one day in all the days that will ever be. But what will happen in all the other days that ever come can depend on what you do today. It’s been that way all this year. It’s been that way so many times. All of war is that way.”

—	Ernest Hemingway